Selfish v. Selfless

Selfless defined as having little to no concern for one's own interest, especially with regard to fame, money, position and love. 
Selfish can be defined as the opposite of selfless. Being devoted to or only caring for oneself. However some may view that both work hand in hand while promoting a  complimentary outcome at times.

Giving of oneself time after time can be compared to a tick attached to a dog. If proper precaution is not taken they will suck the blood right out of you.
Oftentimes we invest so much of ourselves in loving others unconditionally that we become emotionally bankrupt.
What happens when the script is rewritten? When the price becomes too high and you feel as though you're giving
 more than you're receiving? The scene becomes one that is conditional-selfish. A scene  which may be necessary to capture that which you have lost. 

Random Thoughts

~~Skin I'm In~~
 

Jazz Creating Fantasies

Music soothes the savage beast, so they say.

It's a mind altering tool, transporting you to a realm of imagination engulfing every sense with subliminal messages and feelings, playing with your emotions.

Jazz a soulful house of collective music.  Your body moves while your mind relaxes

-mind trips. 

The sound of the vibes, vibraphones for those that don't know, penetrating the muscles of the inner thigh.

Close your eyes. Escape to the shadows of the city lights dancing deep in the night, with

Faint words telling, phrases teaching, Ella's vocals mesmerizing all while Jazz is showing you how deep you can be!

 

Jazz Creating Fantasies!

~~Skin I'm In~~

 

Am I Black Enough?

"They are impressed with your skills; your experience, your work ethic and integrity.  Your ability to articulate your vision is unparalleled.  However your expertise would be better suited at a more formal and structured establishment. We apologize but you are a bit too businesslike for this area. We would rather have your expertise in our much larger and affluent facility"

Yes the above statement was uttered by an African American in a direct conversation with yours truly. The finished product ending in "You're just not black enough!"

Is there an essential 'Black Identity'?  What defines a real black man or woman? Never ceases to amaze me how different behaviors, speech, sexual orientation class or complexion have rendered some 'NOT BLACK ENOUGH' .  Grant it as a culture we are a sizzling pot of gumbo. Overflowing with shrimp, chicken, crayfish, sausage, onions, okra, hell we're just full of richness. 

So as I revel in my richness, has my BLACKNESS CARD been revoked because I articulate my words, forming complete sentences all while expressing a thought without utilizing the phrase 'You Know What I'm Saying, Umm,...'? 

Should my BLACKNESS CARD be revoked because I choose to use the word RUMINATE v. CONTEMPLATE? Oh no wait a minute let me simplify it further for those that need it broken down & forever to be broke RUMINATE v. THINK. 

Is there someone that runs the floor in the DEPARTMENT OF BLACK AUTHENTICITY that is going to authenticate my blackness?  If so I look forward to meeting with you. 

Let the record show I did find this conversation amusing and complimentary within the same thought. However please note I will not dumb down to be accepted.

~~ Skin I'm In~~

Janice - Bye Bye - Old School.wmv

Sade - Cherish The Day (live)

Robert Glasper Experiment - Afro Blue (Feat. Erykah Badu)

Robert Glasper Experiment - Calls feat. Jill Scott

Tracie Spencer - Love Me

Public Displays Of Affection

Public displays of affection seem to be a lost commodity. That is, when its a classy display of affection. 

Observing the interactions of a couple walking along a busy city sidewalk.  They walk hand in hand creating a warmth that invaded my space. A scene which was tranquil. 

Protector-

He intentionally walked on the outside sheilding HER from anyone or anything that may have posed a threat. 

Decision Maker-

He ordered the meal taking care not to order something SHE was unable to eat. Glancing at her to confirm the order was to her liking. The waitress smiled.

Love-Just a Touch Away-

SHE glances at HIM with passion in her eyes and gently touches his knee. An innocent touch to the arm, with a whimsical smile that crossed her lips.

Nothing Really Matters-

Their eyes meet, its apparent they are musing over the other. HE leans in to kiss HER sweetly. The earth is minuscule. They mean the world to each other.  

Nothing sweeter. Classy displays of public affection. 

~~Skin I'm In~~

Emotions or Rationale/Head v. Heart

Many are raised to conform to society and make decisions based upon rational thinking.  Excluding any heart felt decision making.  I will admit there have been a number of times wherein the rational & logical thought process have been spot on; however there has often been times when that spot on process has left a void.  A void permeated by a fire sweet and true, and you are unable to establish why that burn has left you hungry and dissatisfied.  The void which oftentimes leaves you feeling unglued.  Should this continue? Only you can make that decision....head or heart?

Of course using your head is not without joyous moments in which you would not change. These joyous moments you would love to bottle up and retain in a time capsule.  You have had a decent life, not perfect but decent nonetheless. 

The void will cause reflections, reflections resulting in "What-ifs".  What if I'd gone away to college? What if I had married at an earlier age? What if I had chosen a different career path? What if I had pursued my passion more aggressively? The What-ifs that leave puzzled interest.

Following the path of rationale/logical thinking will often lead to a predictable and typically safe and sometimes boring life. Is there anything wrong with that?  No. Our rational thinking and decision making is oftentimes based upon what others have displayed, their opinions and how you feel you will be perceived , adhering to your 'responsibility' (conforming to society). However choosing to move forward based on emotions or your heart is a different avenue in which can bring forth additional learning and joy.  It can open doors that you would not have had the key, because you did not allow yourself to be spontaneous. It of course may present challenges; but again these challenges are learning tools. 

This is not to state rationale should not be in your repertoire of life, it is only to state explore both avenues. 

Your heart will allow you to be you.  Your world will not end in one fell swoop based upon a decision made from the heart. Thinking with your head sometimes has someone else writing your book of life. 

~~Skin I'm In~~

Million Dollar Smile

A day of random thoughts and emotions tend to create not so eloquent pieces.

Today I decided to write without editing or utilizing my journal in which I often go back

and tweak what I desire to say.  Today has been a day to just write.

So often we utter the words 'it doesn't hurt to smile as it may brighten some one else's day'. Phrases some may hear.  " It's always nice to see a smiling face when you enter the building", " I haven't seen you here in such a long time, I've missed that smile", "Your smile is worth a thousand words" , " I wish everyone I came in contact with would exhibit such a beautiful smile."

Does anyone ever question what is behind the Million Dollar Smile? Do you truly think of the thousand words that one endured to create that smile? Is that smile just a cover?  The classic frown turned upside down also known as the crooked smile. A smile derived from childhood neglect.

A lost love, broken heart or rejection.

Empty silence from broken promises.

 

  Try to think of how that smile came to be. Look into the eyes of the million dollar smile. Do you see tears of joy or magic that has disappeared? Some may be blind to the hidden turmoil others are and will be receptive offering a smile in return that gives hope and encouragement. They too could reap the benefits of a smile from you. 

 

~~Skin I'm In~~

The One, Twin Flame

Shaking the dust from my pen. There have been a number of events  to take place of late and my observations and thoughts bring me to topics of  Kindred Spirits, Soul Mates or Twin Flames. 

 

Rekindling a friendship or relationship of old is much like a homecoming or another entrance into a world that is uncharted.  It is a world of recognition and love deep within two spirits.  You as an individual or a couple know the other is THE ONE that has always been by the other's side mentally and spiritually.  You're able to feel the others emotions worlds away, emotions which have been locked away and the key kept within the realms of the unknown until that moment of acknowledgment comes into play.

 

Upon that chance meeting or contact there is an instantaneous spark of emotion some of which cannot be contained. Your world then becomes their world and theirs becomes yours. The flood of love, want and need of the other cannot be quelled. You are then the TWIN FLAME, THE ONE that complements the very essence of the other. Anyone in your life at this time may fall short of all you thought they were and wanted them to be.  Why? They were not exactly YOUR TRUE LOVE, YOUR BELOVED.  They are not your twin soul.  Twin souls recognize each other with absolute certainty and complete each other, no other person in the world can complete them...its the Perfect Fusion, Oneness. 

 

An ascension of souls. When reunited the ascension is jet-propelled. A quiet storm evolving into an eternity of breath taking bliss. You are unable to edit your thoughts, your twin flame is and always has been the best part of you.  

 

~~Skin I'm In~~

Sheila E - Hold Me (Album Version with Lyrics)

Happiness v. Joy

This post is a simplistic one. 

 

Had an encounter with a friend whom I adore. Their life in the last four years has been one of turmoil.  Custody battles, divorce, foreclosure, employment changes, etc.  Our conversations though brief tend to be uplifting.  Our most recent conversation revolved around the difference between happiness and joy.

 

Most would equate the two to be one in the same; however there IS a difference.

 

Happiness, per the dictionary; pleasure contentment.

Joy, per the dictionary; emotion of great delight.

 

If we look further you will find that so many things bring us happiness:  A new job, buying a house, the return of a loved one from war, a great tax return...the list goes on.  Happiness is based upon things outside of ourselves.  The very things that bring forth happiness can also bring sadness.  Happiness is fleeting.

 

JOY, the emotion of great delight...is it really?  Joy is an attitude of the heart! An everlasting attitude not dependent on circumstance.  It is eternal NOT fleeting.

 

There may be some that disagree, however this post is to evoke thought not controversy.

 

~~Skin I'm In~~

Black Women, The Unknown, The Truth

I read a post from someone whom I am enamored with the content of his tweets.  This post revolved around barbershop talk and read "Black Women spend a lot of time pretending that everything is okay and suppressing entirely too much....praising their troubles instead of acknowledging their toxicity." ~~I AM~~

My notebook an infinite canvas of thought. However only a few have made their way to this page.

Oftentimes as black women we carry ourselves with determination and a convincing sense of being extraordinary or exceptional. This is regardless of the treatment received from others.  Some may say that we are accomplished however if an in depth view is taken, we have yet to conquer ourselves.  We are seen with an 'S' stamped on our chest, underneath the flirty dresses, boardroom suits, dress blues and scrubs.  Is this 'S' for Superwoman/Strength/Independence? Possibly.  Our strength has been galvanized with a coat of armor, shielding us from the pain and deprivation of an authentic and joyful life.  In short we are portrayed as a capable person, someone who can reliably provide for others emotionally and financially. Such virtues leave you with a set of irrevocable oppositions out of which we live our lives.  We struggle with being both strong and having needs of our own.  Wherein lies the dilemma of strength....to choose the appearances and remain unknown or choose TRUTH and risk being disregarded by others.  We often choose the Unknown.

The Unknown---Media stereotypes of black women-the angry black activist; the promiscuous unwed mother, the take no-shit, more man than woman black bi@!* accused of being both unfeminine and oversexed at the same time.

The Truth - It is 'OKAY' for things not to be OKAY.  It is OKAY not to fall prey to the one dimensional view. We do not have to invest our lives in the appearance of invulnerability. We as Black Women, We as Women, ARE EXTRAORDINARY AND EXCEPTIONAL.

~~Skin I'm In~~

The Smell Of Nostalgia

As I embrace the brief time spent with family so many childhood memories come to the surface.  I grew up so very blessed.  I may not have had designer clothes, shoes or the white picket fence, but I did have family that loved me and I them. 

A lot of us have moved away from where we grew up, but the memories whether good or bad do not move away.

Eureka Park was my back yard. The cut through to get to the homes of a few friends as well as going to the homes of my Aunt's, Uncle's and Grandparent's.  Eureka Park the place where summer camp took on new shapes.  The Rec Center where I first busted my butt trying to roller skate. Chain link swing sets and hard core merry go rounds.  Tennis courts and those weekends when you heard church revival.

Climbing the Cherry Tree at my Grandparents house, hanging out in their basement.  As a child the basement presented so many adventures as my grandparents kept so many things for me to get into. Sliding down the steps, the railing didn't work in my favor. My Grandma's Rice Pudding...umph..the best! And the Pantry you could hide in if you tried.

Hot Summer Days at Washington Park Pool cutting through the path off of 10th street behind Addison.....All I can hear..."Cutie Pie,You're The Reason Why.  I love you so.....".  Matter of fact so many songs of summer...."Party People, Party People......Socialize, Get Down, Let Your Soul Lead The Way....", "Jamaica Funk is what it is....Let it get into you", "Thighs High, I Wanna Grip Your Hips and Move".  Racing friends and relatives up and down the street.  Truly don't get caught by the street light.

So many places and things evoke so many memories. Lakeside Amusement Park, Woolworths Downtown Roanoke, Pete's Deli, New Yorker Delicatessen(of course), Mill Mountain Zoo & Ruby, 8th Street Grill( got to have a hot smoke), Chuck's Seafood, Highs Ice Cream, the dances at Booker T.  Sweetheart Ball's at Ruffner,  Talent Shows as Fleming, Fairystone, Claytor's Lake, Carvin's Cove....oooohhh M.D.20/20, Thunderbird(thank you Franwill Crew, you know who you are) and Mr. Perry's Store just to name a few. Keeping it really simple, waking up on the weekends knowing there were some things that didn't and wouldn't change.  Errands with Mom, Saturday Mornings and Church All Day Sunday!

Many may not be familiar with the scent of where I'm steppin' others of course know the fragrance well. 

The Smell Of Nostalgia keeps the memories so vivid.  Peace.

~~Skin I'm In~~

Control

When you are in a relationship or what is deemed to be a relatioship it should not be treated as a dictatorship by either party.  There are qualities in each that should compliment the other.  Unfortunately sometimes we are unable to find that grassy median. 

Something to ask yourself about your partner.  Do they help you to live a better and healthier life?  Be clear on your thoughts before you answer.  What you may think, are the intentions that have love screaming from all angles, could very well be an unintentional deceptive schemer. 

 

 

Two Types of Relationship Controllers

 

The violent and physically abusive and the caring, sensitive one whom controls you emotionally.  The latter is not always the obvious one. They do not necessarily dominate you, but will still find a way to cut your legs out from under you.  Don't be mistaken or caught off guard.  Both types can be rolled up into one person.  Scary I know. 

 

You may never know you are with an emotionally controlling person until it's too late.  You can be easily deceived as they are not bad people.  They have insecurities and are generally possessive, forgetting where to draw the line or creating their own for you.  

 

A Few Signs To Watch Out For

 

They need to be informed of all you do.  They may become agitated if you don't check in to their specifications.  They will blow that cell phone up if you don't respond quick enough.  Back in the day it would have been a 911 page.

 

They don't like it when you have fun without them.  You may want to discuss your activities and how wonderful they were and you will be addressed with perhaps a grunt or "That's Nice"

 

They are manipulative. Constantly trying to make decisions for you.  Choosing what they want you to eat while out at dinner.  "He/She will have the Escargot drizzled with a White Wine Sauce,  Asparagus Spears and Wild Rice".  You cringe because you know at this very moment you would much rather be at Five Guys getting that juicy hamburger drenched in green peppers, onions, mushrooms, cheese and a hint of grease.  

 

They create their own rules while imposing completely different rules upon you.  We all know a household that plays Spades has their own House Rules.

 

They disapprove when you spend time with friends.  Your friends are a bad influence on you and they want to choose your friends for you or even be your one and only friend.  "If you play with Suzy I'm not playing with you anymore.  Suzy has the cooties".

 

Your life now revolves around them or so you think.  Their happiness becomes yours, their wants become yours.  Your identity has become non-existent.

 

I may have made light of these signs; however these signs are reality.  And the reality is..Relationships shouldn't change who you are as a person.  Only you should be able to change you.  The relationship should provide you with an added path that leads you to additional growth.





~~~Skin I'm In~~~