During an impromptu interview or conversation if you will with a number of men and women ages 24 to 30. I gathered information regarding what they sought, when choosing a mate and what their perspective was on how a relationship between two should be.
Now I must preface this by saying I am exposed to so many individuals with a multitude of personalities. Quite a few of them are in their early to late 20's. I might add, I'm not always pleased with what I encounter. You have your classic, pants hanging off their butts (both male & female), pajamas in public with bedroom slippers, breasts hanging out, dirty shirts, cursing, wreaking of last weeks alcohol benge, sex, cigarettes and down right disrespectful. Just keeping it real, sorry if I offend, but it is what it is. Grant it, it could be the geographical location, but I can't put that on any general area. These characters could be ANYWHERE.
In the midst of it all I have found quite a few that put a smile on my face and warmed my heart. It was also surprising to find that the number of men participating in my impromptu interviews outweighed the women. The women were for some reason at a loss for words. When does that really happen? Especially when there is an opportunity for them to truly voice their thoughts and opinions openly without being judged. Perhaps the reticence was a result of the ages, who knows.
I am always elated when GOD is first and foremost in someones life. I extended my gratitude to those I spoke with, because oftentimes in this era, many do not attend church or have never set foot in a church outside of a funeral or wedding. I felt blessed while listening to them speak so passionately about GOD and how they hoped their ideal mate would also share the same thoughts and feelings.
The importance of family was addressed. Not just both individuals in a relationship wanting to start their own, but also being there for other family members when needed. Not to have them interfere, but offering support when able to, without the family constantly being dependent upon them.
Though I have read a number of articles which put the men on blast for always looking at the physical attributes of the female before considering anything else and if propositioned they would choose to lay with a female first and vice versa for that matter. I think we all at some point in time have desired to be with someone based upon 'animal magnetism' ha ha. I chuckle; however it was quite refreshing to discover the views of those involved in the discussion differed.
Several men acknowledged that while they may be physically attracted to a beautiful woman; a woman that can stimulate them mentally is far more fascinating and attractive and the rest will come.
Several women advised that while they adore that P-H-Y-N-E man and want to be treated as an equal, they don't want a man that they can walk all over or manipulate. They desire their man to be head of the household, as he should be.
I know there are some that may state ' I make my OWN money, I don't need a man!' Keep in mind this is not that session. We can save that for another time.
Over all our discussions were of substance. As the conversations deepened and the comfort level grew, there were many things shared. Some things were kept PG & PG13. Some took it to the R-rated/X-rated level. None the less it was discovered that our young people are grounded and though they may slip here and there, they regain control and focus on what's right. So many of us should be proud and thankful, because MY generation has done a great job in setting the bar.
The Skin I'm In
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Down Low
Normal everyday lives led by men in their business suits working on Wall Street or just corporate America period. Blue collar workers...mechanics, fast food workers and restaurant owners just to name a few professions. These men are decorated with wedding bands and their vehicles further indicate they are married with children.
Down low - Secrets or that phrase "Straight" Black men that sleep with men. Before I go any further let me just say...the acronym 'DL' is not exclusive to Black Men; however it appears that the Black Male is more publicized in regards to such. This practice is seen across all ethnic groups.
In my reading one male indicates that 'Anyone can be had if the element is right'. Simple phrases such as "Wassup" or a certain look, wink or smile could lead to an interest in another man, which is unknown to the female. Code of the 'DL' Brother is they have to be hard due to the stigma associated with it. Some are thought that most DL brothers have the thugged out look. Fitted ball cap, Timberland's and a team jersey of some kind including throwback jerseys. Bottom line ANY man could be a DL suspect. Not just the tall 6'5" brother built like Arnold Schwarzenegger (back in the day of course) resembling Idris Elba, Michael Ealy, LaRon Landry, Morris Chestnut and Lamman Rucker. Eye Candy for my Ladies and some men, let's be real.
Studies suggest 30 percent of all black bisexual men maybe infected with HIV and up to 90 percent of those men do not know they're infected. With these statistics it is imperative for a person to advise their partner of what their lifestyle is and what their past relationships have been. A woman should be proactive in looking out for themselves. Asking the right questions while making the right observation. Love and lust can be blind to the point where you don't see what is staring you in your face.
If you are married or in a relationship, keep in mind that men on the DL would prefer not to give up the lives they've built with the 'perfect' woman. Oftentimes even the 'perfect' woman is not willing to let the man on the DL go because of the embarrassment they feel they may face.
I've read that one of the signs of a man on the DL is that he spends a lot of time with the guys. I personally am not in total agreement with that, because it just could be 'He's just not that into you.' Food for thought.
So gentlemen I wonder how you would feel if your daughter was dating a guy and this guy was on the DL. How do you think you would react? This question is even for the man on the DL with his 'Perfect' family. Think about it long and hard...no pun intended. Same question is posed for the woman. There are women on the DL as well. Let's be fair.
~~Skin I'm In~~
Down low - Secrets or that phrase "Straight" Black men that sleep with men. Before I go any further let me just say...the acronym 'DL' is not exclusive to Black Men; however it appears that the Black Male is more publicized in regards to such. This practice is seen across all ethnic groups.
In my reading one male indicates that 'Anyone can be had if the element is right'. Simple phrases such as "Wassup" or a certain look, wink or smile could lead to an interest in another man, which is unknown to the female. Code of the 'DL' Brother is they have to be hard due to the stigma associated with it. Some are thought that most DL brothers have the thugged out look. Fitted ball cap, Timberland's and a team jersey of some kind including throwback jerseys. Bottom line ANY man could be a DL suspect. Not just the tall 6'5" brother built like Arnold Schwarzenegger (back in the day of course) resembling Idris Elba, Michael Ealy, LaRon Landry, Morris Chestnut and Lamman Rucker. Eye Candy for my Ladies and some men, let's be real.
Studies suggest 30 percent of all black bisexual men maybe infected with HIV and up to 90 percent of those men do not know they're infected. With these statistics it is imperative for a person to advise their partner of what their lifestyle is and what their past relationships have been. A woman should be proactive in looking out for themselves. Asking the right questions while making the right observation. Love and lust can be blind to the point where you don't see what is staring you in your face.
If you are married or in a relationship, keep in mind that men on the DL would prefer not to give up the lives they've built with the 'perfect' woman. Oftentimes even the 'perfect' woman is not willing to let the man on the DL go because of the embarrassment they feel they may face.
I've read that one of the signs of a man on the DL is that he spends a lot of time with the guys. I personally am not in total agreement with that, because it just could be 'He's just not that into you.' Food for thought.
So gentlemen I wonder how you would feel if your daughter was dating a guy and this guy was on the DL. How do you think you would react? This question is even for the man on the DL with his 'Perfect' family. Think about it long and hard...no pun intended. Same question is posed for the woman. There are women on the DL as well. Let's be fair.
~~Skin I'm In~~
Thursday, April 5, 2012
The Embrace of Forever
Each curve of the clouds
Reminds me of the mountains that surround me
Your embrace
My every breath is carried away
With the ocean breeze
The desire found when the sun meets the rain
The careless whisper
A long way from heaven
Refusing to give in
Back here again questioning why
The skies open without saying a word
Welcoming me inside to keep me warm
The Embrace of Forever
~~Skin I'm In~~
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Corporate Pimps and Prostitution
Pimp - a person who solicits customers for a prostitute or brothel usually in return for a share of the earnings. One who controls the actions and lives off proceeds of one or more who work the streets.
We have the Pimps or 'Players' as some would like to be called and their profession otherwise known as 'The Game'. Then we have their Prostitutes otherwise known as 'Hustlers' or 'Gigolos' their profession...'WHORES ROAD, GET ME MY MONEY!'
Perhaps that last comment was a little harsh. It is what it is folks, reality. Now in comparison to some of Corporate America, leaning towards that financial industry of sales & procurement there is not much difference between them(Corporate America) and a pimp; hence the title Corporate Pimps & Prostitution.
Corporate America or their exec's want you to look like them, think like them, speak like them, act like them and dress like them. Do not have a mind of your own. Do not show any emotion. Just do as you're told and produce!! That takes me to the movie 'Pretty Woman'. Don't kiss on the lips, you'll fall in love. No emotion, no love lost.
I personally do not fit into that robotic mold. I am colorful in character and dress, though quite professional. I will not adopt the speech as it is meaningless. It lacks sincerity and thought. I was not born in YOUR, Corporate America's, likeness, so there will not be any resemblance.
You, Corporate America throw your weight around insisting that I dress as you do, in the boring Brooks Brothers Suits(black or gray only), white shirt only and by no means do you add a splash of color with perhaps a multi-colored tie. Black or Gray Only! No exceptions. Failure to adhere means you're dismissed without pay. This for some reason takes me to segregation. Water fountains labeled for 'Whites Only'.
You, Corporate America instruct us to say the same thing to everyone that crosses our paths during the work day. Do not deviate from the script given, doing so will result in a write up for insubordination, which will remain in your file.
You, Corporate America instruct us to sell someone a Jet Engine, knowing the consumer doesn't need or want this item. But its a mandatory sell to meet your goal. Failure to do so will result in you being replaced.
You, Corporate America instruct us not to care about the consumer. Treat them as a number. We just want their money....Number 2,245,218 please stand up! Caring about a client will result in a cut in pay.
Bottom line...be that Call Girl or Escort for Corporate America or be without just as a Pimp instructs his/her 'Pro' to go out and MAKE THAT MONEY.
~~Skin I'm In~~
We have the Pimps or 'Players' as some would like to be called and their profession otherwise known as 'The Game'. Then we have their Prostitutes otherwise known as 'Hustlers' or 'Gigolos' their profession...'WHORES ROAD, GET ME MY MONEY!'
Perhaps that last comment was a little harsh. It is what it is folks, reality. Now in comparison to some of Corporate America, leaning towards that financial industry of sales & procurement there is not much difference between them(Corporate America) and a pimp; hence the title Corporate Pimps & Prostitution.
Corporate America or their exec's want you to look like them, think like them, speak like them, act like them and dress like them. Do not have a mind of your own. Do not show any emotion. Just do as you're told and produce!! That takes me to the movie 'Pretty Woman'. Don't kiss on the lips, you'll fall in love. No emotion, no love lost.
I personally do not fit into that robotic mold. I am colorful in character and dress, though quite professional. I will not adopt the speech as it is meaningless. It lacks sincerity and thought. I was not born in YOUR, Corporate America's, likeness, so there will not be any resemblance.
You, Corporate America throw your weight around insisting that I dress as you do, in the boring Brooks Brothers Suits(black or gray only), white shirt only and by no means do you add a splash of color with perhaps a multi-colored tie. Black or Gray Only! No exceptions. Failure to adhere means you're dismissed without pay. This for some reason takes me to segregation. Water fountains labeled for 'Whites Only'.
You, Corporate America instruct us to say the same thing to everyone that crosses our paths during the work day. Do not deviate from the script given, doing so will result in a write up for insubordination, which will remain in your file.
You, Corporate America instruct us to sell someone a Jet Engine, knowing the consumer doesn't need or want this item. But its a mandatory sell to meet your goal. Failure to do so will result in you being replaced.
You, Corporate America instruct us not to care about the consumer. Treat them as a number. We just want their money....Number 2,245,218 please stand up! Caring about a client will result in a cut in pay.
Bottom line...be that Call Girl or Escort for Corporate America or be without just as a Pimp instructs his/her 'Pro' to go out and MAKE THAT MONEY.
~~Skin I'm In~~
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Suicide, Listen to the Silent Voice
A twelve year old little girl takes her life for reasons only she and God are truly aware of. For those of us on the outside looking in we speculate. Horrible atmosphere at home, depression, social isolation, overwhelmed with being a preteen. Whatever the reason a life is lost and we cant get it back.
As a parent it imprisons my heart to think that a child's life is gripped with so much depression, etc. Their voice has been stifled by their peers, they are looked upon as different, weird, poor, nerdy and stupid. This may not be the case for all, but it is a reality for some. Children are cruel towards others and the words noted do not remotely touch the cruelty that is projected. Without the positive reinforcement from parents, guardians, extended family, teachers or mentors our children fade to black.
Some individuals feel that I am in my children's business TOO MUCH. Guess what it won't change. That's my job! I love my children and if it is perceived that I am too strict or I do not provide them with enough privacy. So be it. Anyway what privacy do you have as a child? I am ALL UP IN THE BUSINESS, I am the parent and that's how it will remain.
Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death in children ages 10-14, the third leading cause of death for those ages 15-24. These numbers are taken just a bit further. For those under the age of 15, there are 1-2 out of every 100,000 that commit suicide. For those 15-24 there are 11 out of every 100,000 that will take their own life. These numbers may seem minuscule to some, but 1 life diminished by suicide is 1 too many.
The voice of suicide has no gender or color preference. I will say the voice of suicide is selective in character. Therefore love your children, hug your children, have conversations with your children, listen to your children and hear what is NOT always said.
~~~~Skin I'm In~~~~
As a parent it imprisons my heart to think that a child's life is gripped with so much depression, etc. Their voice has been stifled by their peers, they are looked upon as different, weird, poor, nerdy and stupid. This may not be the case for all, but it is a reality for some. Children are cruel towards others and the words noted do not remotely touch the cruelty that is projected. Without the positive reinforcement from parents, guardians, extended family, teachers or mentors our children fade to black.
Some individuals feel that I am in my children's business TOO MUCH. Guess what it won't change. That's my job! I love my children and if it is perceived that I am too strict or I do not provide them with enough privacy. So be it. Anyway what privacy do you have as a child? I am ALL UP IN THE BUSINESS, I am the parent and that's how it will remain.
Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death in children ages 10-14, the third leading cause of death for those ages 15-24. These numbers are taken just a bit further. For those under the age of 15, there are 1-2 out of every 100,000 that commit suicide. For those 15-24 there are 11 out of every 100,000 that will take their own life. These numbers may seem minuscule to some, but 1 life diminished by suicide is 1 too many.
The voice of suicide has no gender or color preference. I will say the voice of suicide is selective in character. Therefore love your children, hug your children, have conversations with your children, listen to your children and hear what is NOT always said.
~~~~Skin I'm In~~~~
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Seeking The Different Flavors Of Wrong
Is there truly a Miss, Mrs. or Mr. Right?
More of my random thoughts.
Some may ask the question, "Why am I always choosing the wrong person to be in a relationship with?" My question to that question is, "Are you sure you're not choosing the Right Wrong Person?"
Are we seeking different flavors of wrong, thinking that the wrongness is right, because we are dealing with demons within and gravitate to those with similar demons that compliment us? Confusing huh? Such is love.
One would think to seek the love of the person that knows how to give the gift of oneself without the expectation of something in return. However you must know yourself well enough to understand that gift, not reject the gift choosing the art of re-gifting. Not only should we know ourselves, but learn what we want and what we don't want. Perhaps stop being in love with the idea of being in love, falling in love with a facsimile thereof.
We view him/her as our soul mate because we have shared an intimate connection prior to evaluating the future. Think about this, is the one you see as your soul mate your goal mate? In other words, do you share common interests, common goals, chemistry and compatibility? Do you have admiration and respect for him/her or are you just impressed by them?
Keep in mind as you ponder...admiration is to regard with wonder; wherein being impressed is the act of drawing attention. A Mercedes or a Bentley Continental GT is impressive. A woman or man loving God, always smiling, working a full time job, a part time job, going to school part-time and holding it down at home for the family is to be admired!
~~~Skin I'm In~~~
More of my random thoughts.
Some may ask the question, "Why am I always choosing the wrong person to be in a relationship with?" My question to that question is, "Are you sure you're not choosing the Right Wrong Person?"
Are we seeking different flavors of wrong, thinking that the wrongness is right, because we are dealing with demons within and gravitate to those with similar demons that compliment us? Confusing huh? Such is love.
One would think to seek the love of the person that knows how to give the gift of oneself without the expectation of something in return. However you must know yourself well enough to understand that gift, not reject the gift choosing the art of re-gifting. Not only should we know ourselves, but learn what we want and what we don't want. Perhaps stop being in love with the idea of being in love, falling in love with a facsimile thereof.
We view him/her as our soul mate because we have shared an intimate connection prior to evaluating the future. Think about this, is the one you see as your soul mate your goal mate? In other words, do you share common interests, common goals, chemistry and compatibility? Do you have admiration and respect for him/her or are you just impressed by them?
Keep in mind as you ponder...admiration is to regard with wonder; wherein being impressed is the act of drawing attention. A Mercedes or a Bentley Continental GT is impressive. A woman or man loving God, always smiling, working a full time job, a part time job, going to school part-time and holding it down at home for the family is to be admired!
~~~Skin I'm In~~~
Monday, January 16, 2012
Expressions of Self-Random Thoughts
Volcanic lava
Warm, overflowing and electric
Rising with the belief that each day will be better
Dreams awakened
By losing oneself in forever
The edge of morning is near
My soul is aching to be
Somewhere other than here
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